on relationships
her with Johansson OS love
duminică, 24 decembrie 2017
8
Session 8
Set Your Career Goals
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Be careful not to think of golf when
working
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Of sex while golfing
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And of work when in bed with a
partner
Check the pic if it can be used
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First, you need to establish what
your calling is
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There are people who go from 9 to 5
for a paycheck
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Others who want promotions
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If you have found your calling
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You’re in for Bliss
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The biggest part of your life will
be spent…
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Doing what You Like!!
Outliers
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10,000 hours
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10 years
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Mozart, Beatles, Steve Jobs, Bill
Gates
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Mistakes?
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Learn to fail!
Rituals
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Introduce good habits
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Exercise
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It brings in endorphins
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You become happier
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And more productive
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Do not forget about
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Family and friends
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As the most important element of
happiness
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Happiness which makes you more productive
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And hence plunges you on a virtuos spiral
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Realize that
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Money in itself would not affect
levels of happiness
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At least not after a level of
comfort has been achieved
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At different stages in your
ascension
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Think about the next steps
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Avoiding the rat race
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Spending time and money on
experiences
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Time Affluence is ultimately more
important than financial wealth
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Happiness is the Ultimate currency
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As explained by Harvard Professor
Tal Ben Shahar
Another Harvard luminary
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Professor Daniel Gilbert
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Demonstrates in Stumbling Upon
Happiness
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The big career moves that we
envisage
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Do not bring the anticipated
benefits
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Hedonic adaptation
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Enjoy the ride
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Apply the Golden Mean
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Think that there are domains wherein
negativity is required:
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Lawyers, tax and financial
consultants, policemen, traffic controllers
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Attention to detail is better when
negative
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Positive individuals have a broader
perspective
Status
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AAN
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Civil servants in Britain
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Case of the Donald
session 7
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“I love work
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I can watch people work for hours”
Self -concordant goals
as opposed to
Targets set by others
Of course, we all have
to do tasks that are sometimes unpleasant
But finding your
calling
Setting your own goals
is the secret of success and happiness
It helps if you live
in a free country
Otherwise, they set
all the goals for you
And let me tell you,
they are not pleasant
Once you have set your
goals
Make sure you enjoy
the ride towards achieving them
It is as important to
take pleasure in the walk up the mountain
As in reaching the top
Be aware of the Time
Perspective
-
There are people who focus on the
past
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Often lamenting about it
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Others are keen on the future- like
you probably are since you watch this!
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But even those who concentrate on
the horizon
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They can do that by Worrying what
the future brings
Be optimistic!
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We should learn to be optimists and
understand that
-
the thoughts we have affect our
moods and well being
• Happy
people sleep, live, learn, create better than pessimists
• Lonely
people are less healthy than social people
• Strangers
hang up on pessimists calling much sooner than on optimists
• Optimism
protects people against diseases, pessimism helps illness
• The
richest Americans are no happier than the average Amish
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People at 67 can expect to live
another 20-25 years,
-
Need to concentrate on the future
and exercise.
-
You need to exercise the equivalent
of 10,000 steps a day.
-
Flourish was a principle which Aristotle included in the definition of
Happiness-
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Eudaimonia.
Flow
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the First condition for achieving Optimal
Experience
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very important: Challenge Yourself
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Flow does not come on the couch!
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You can be a visionary:
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Gandhi, Roger Bannister or JFK
Dealing with Adversity
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We often set targets and fail- learn
to fail or fail to learn
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But there is also the ABCD method to
deal with, for example a failure to follow a diet
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Some think in terms of lazy goals
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Like why don’t I meet a genie
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The joke with the three wishes
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Back in his country again
When setting up your goals, you should
consider:
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PERMA
-
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P is for Positive Emotions, that we
need to “flourish”
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E stands for Engagement aka Flow also
the title of the classic by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
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R comes from Relationships,
meaningful relationships that we need for Well Being
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M is for Meaning of Life
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A for Achievements
Be aware of
-
Stumbling Upon Happiness
-
Move to California?
-
Think again
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Having kids?
-
Well, even this familiar, long
established dream is problematic
-
Studies after kids move from home
session 1
Session 1
Best Morning Rituals
-
Remember
-
“We are what we repeatedly
do
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Excellence then is not an
act but a habit”!!
cat and lion pic
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Nathaniel Branden
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The Six Pillars of Self Esteem-
As you watch in the mirror:
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I love and accept myself completely
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If not you, who then?
-
“What determines the level of
self-esteem is what the individual does”
-
<<A “practice” implies a
discipline of acting in a certain way Over and Over Again”
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It is essential that you APPLY what
you learn and not postpone, avoid or skip it
-
He first steps of healing and Growth
are
-
Awareness and Acceptance
-
We need to have confidence, trust
our own abilities-
-
this affects all aspects:
achievements, or lack thereof,
-
Our relationships with spouses,
children and others.
-
People with high self-esteem are
rational, have creativity, benevolence.
-
Those with low self-esteem manifest
rigidity, defensiveness, fear and even hostility
-
the Trump example
Physical exercise
-
It helps in so many ways
-
Endorphins- include from happy
session and new pics
-
Men are better off with exercise
before eating
-
Women might benefit more from
physical exercise after eating something- probably light
How?
-
You could place shoes near or on the
pillow J
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Choose the path of least resistance
-
Establish if you are a morning or
night person
-
Tal Ben Shahar example
-
DeGeneres on Procrastination- the
modern lack of exercise:
-
Have you noticed how we make no more
effort?
-
In cars, the driver had to make a
little effort to open the window- but not anymore-
-
Now there is a push button and the
same for the garage door- you used to have to get out of the car to open the
garage door but again, you can do that now just by pressing a button
-
On procrastination and the crazy
rhythm of today’s world, Ellen DeGeneres has some very poignant observations
- We
suffer from a TB syndrome: too busy syndrome:
- Hurry
up, I have to rush to yoga classes…common, common!!!
-
Don’t engage in the rat race might
be the message, use the Golden Mean
-
You could meditate
-
Take advantage of the early morning
calm, peace and quiet if you can
-
Or the night scheme if that is who
you are
-
The mantras from Zooey
-
Calling, outliers, learn to fail
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No problem with mistakes: Learn to
Fail!
session 2
Session 2—
Social
Rituals and Mantras sau
poate chiar Social Habits- cum ai trimis
-
Social support
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This is the common element of the
happiest people
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Eric Berne – Games People Play
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The interaction we have based on…”Games”
-
How are you?
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The most common exchange can become
funny, weird or outlandish
-
Safari, Africa…after many years of
two strokes conversation
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Live in the present, would translate
into
-
Spending time with family, friends,
the partner
-
More broadly, the social circle
which can provide the partner, if there isn’t one
-
Join the group we have…
-
Address here ):
-
This is where the joke with golf,
sex and work fits in
-
The possible cartoon inserted??
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How to get close to partners
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Pay attention to them
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Get to Know them in detail
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John Gottman- you take from the
other slides or just in fact pick your new pics
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Shahar and insistence on the wrong
image we project
·
Eric Berne
·
One of the games most played
·
If It Weren’t For You
·
Avoid this trap
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How to Win friends and Influence People
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Using compliments, smiles not
criticism
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The principle of Liking
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Reciprocity
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The cards sent to strangers…caused a
reply
-
The salesmen techniques of giving
you a “free gift” to provoke reciprocity
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Hare Krishna flowers
-
Rules of social success that cause
happiness:
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Spend more time socializing
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Less at the office
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Spend $ on experiences not on
material things
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Strong family ties bring benefits at
work
-
The ultimate currency is
-
Happiness, not the Yen or British
pound
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Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow
-
Conversation can bring you “in the
zone”
-
And of course
-
Socrates has used the Socratic
Method or
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Dialectic Method
-
Through which two people holding
opposite views could
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Reach an understanding …
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Maybe even Bliss, Nirvana…Love,
which is
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“A Many-Splendored Thing”
-
Das Ewig Weibliche Zieht Uns Hinan
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We could try and socialize together
in some manner or form
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