click to rate the video, the pleasure of your participation is requested

https://www.udemy.com/everyday-happiness-for-everybody/learn/v4/?couponCode=PROMOCOUPONS24.COM

Imagine the Best Possible Self, Calling, Variety, Lasagna Effect

Imagine the Best Possible Self,

Calling, Variety, Lasagna Effect

                The Science of Happiness has established that Imagining the

                Best Possible Self and/or Future can help you improve your well-being

                In the Present

                Indeed, if you think that the future will bring you all that you want, you are

                Happy, at least while you dream about it

                However, it is not only that, for this exercise is placing you in an optimistic frame of mind

In addition, being positive, confident has been proved to have immense benefits, ranging from

A longer life to more success in private and professional spheres

In addition, Words Create Worlds, as Harvard Professor Tal Ben-Shahar likes to say-

Therefore, if you have positive, creative and wondrous thoughts about the future,

You increase your chances of getting there, by sketching the outlines of the landscape you will create

                In my case, I am thinking about what happens when you are at a crossroads

                This could be the excellent opportunity to Imagine the Best Possible Future

                 A change has just been imposed, to a certain extent, on the undersigned:

                In fact, there are two.

                Let me just write about the easiest part, even if it may turn out to be more complex

Alternatively, to have a bigger impact anyway:

I have been a member of this club for about ten or twelve years and I even used it before it was opened…

There was another pool there and in the nineties, I used to swim and go to the sauna there, when Vali was manager.

My membership has expired and I am facing a period of waiting for an offer or, given the Hedonic Adaptation phenomenon, to just abandon the outfit altogether

The final last days have been rather humiliating, but the details of that would be listed in the Dealing with Adversity stories.

There is a distinct possibility that I decide to forgo the advantages of the membership, if I stay out for too long.

Considering for many minutes the attitude of some employees will not help a decision to continue either.

This could, what am I saying- will have an impact on health, wellbeing and everything else, including the social aspects.

It is likely that I will decide to pay the fee, after I manage to get the much higher expense with the Lycee Francais and beginning of 2018 expenses out of the way…

That is just about $ 10,000 to start the year with…

Contemporary Stories- Dealing with Adversity Nordic Experts

Contemporary Stories- Dealing with Adversity

Nordic Experts

I have been a member of this health club downtown for about ten, maybe twelve years, discounting the nineties.

However, before it was even “born” I used to enjoy the pool and the sauna of the Bucharest hotel, as far back as 1995.

When it opened under a new, Swedish banner, I thought that this would be so much better, that it will feel like…well, Sweden.

Only it did not!

Yes, they had a Nordic manager, apparently the sun of the owner.

He was so helpless, it almost invited a disgruntled customer, such as the undersigned to feel sorry for him.

A small Jacuzzi indoors failed to function.

In fact, for weeks it has been surrounded by…construction panels no less.

When this fixing operation took forever, I went in to ask the super skilled specialist, brought in from the Nordic paradise to teach the natives what is what:

Look, it is taking forever

We miss a part

Well, what about DHL, UPS and the rest?

…

They will bring anything in a matter of a couple of days, if it is coming from Papua New Guinea…

I think he responded with some nonsense here

To top the aforementioned problem, one of the two saunas did not work and the other seemed overflowing at all times

Clients had to wait outside to use it or just forget about it and go home because…

Employees were inside, occupying the few places!!

Can you beat that?!

When I went to the Big Expert from the Fjords, he said:

Yes, we have a policy

Customers do not have space in the sauna

We allow our staff to use the sauna and facilities

However, we cannot use it anymore

It is for off peak hours

Yeah, right, as if they look at the watch and say…oh, I cannot do it now

That “manager „was so useless and annoying that he even kept an aquarium in his window at the first floor.

Everybody could see it from the pool and enjoy the horror…

There were no visible fish.

That is because the water had not been changed in – who knows- maybe sixteen months (?)

For me, that was the epitome of lousy, arrogant, stupid management:

Consider this:

This man could summon a janitor to clean that shitty thing

He could also place it under the desk, in order to save his customers the pleasure of seeing a bowl of dirt, right there, above their heads, as a symbol of the “cleanliness of his operation”.

Finally, he should have given up on a recipient with dead fish, since he obviously did not care a hoot about them.

The next “management guru” to arrive from the civilized and advanced North in order to share with the barbarians his knowledge was in the same mold.

The fact that he was –probably still is- gay, did not import on his abilities, in fact, knowing his orientation I expected more.

Alas, I was again gravely disappointed.

He was superior and distant- which is the manner of most of the Nordics I have met, in fact, I am even thinking of the protagonist of last year’s smash hit- The Square.

I will only mention this:

At one point, when sitting on one of the three reed armchairs they had had around the pool, I noticed a foul smell.

-          What the hell is that?

Sniffing around I was relieved to find it was not some fingers on my foot, about to fall off and putrefy the air before doing so…

It was the reef chair, putrid and smelling like a corpse…well, maybe I am exaggerating…a little bit

When I told Manager Number 2 from the Exquisite, Formidable, Outstanding and Glorious Sweden…

We will change the furniture, with the same smug attitude, like he was somehow a paid customer in my shop and I attacked him with some fetid, foul instrument or couch

You think he changed the rotten things?

Like hell he did, he just had them intoxicating the clients for some more months and only then did he decide to throw the garbage away…without any replacements.

Armand Asante

Imagine the Best Possible Self - Meaning, future

Imagine the Best Possible Self

Meaning, future

                Finding a meaning is part of the Best Possible Self Scenario, or Best Imaginable Future.

At beauty pageants and elsewhere, the issue of peace on earth and helping old people cross the street has become a cliché…

So much so, that it is laughable and satirized in films and comedy acts.

Nevertheless, helping others is a keystone for the Best Envisageable Future.

This is a component of meaning and as the science of happiness has attested, one of most efficient wellbeing exercises.

Meaning must be found outside ourselves.

Above ourselves.

Words create worlds.

Studies have also showed that if we think of beautiful, meaningful images, this will affect our connections in the brain.

In addition, setting meaningful goals can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

PERMA also comes to mind in the shape of a pyramid

We first start with Positive Emotions, then Engage with life and develop excellent Relationships with those close and others…

Meaning comes near the top of the pyramid.

Achievement is the Zenith.

Once we have excellent Positive emotions, that help us Engage and establish Relationships that are great with family, friends and all those that come into contact with us, Meaning seems a natural outcome and perhaps somehow a part of the formula, which translates finally into…

Achievement

Activism could be the next chapter

Dealing with Adversity - Contemporary stories

Dealing with Adversity

Contemporary stories

We have to deal with adversity on a regular basis. If we drive a car, we need to cope with aggressive, careless motorists.

Indeed, it can even be worse if one is cycling, as I am, after I drive and drop my daughter at the Lycee Francais, where I park my pickup truck and get on the bike to reach downtown, through some heavy traffic.

Fortunately, the majority of drivers do not have a problem with cyclists.

However, one is enough to send the biker to the hospital or even worse, never mind the tens that still treat a bike as an awkward, medieval object.

Especially on one of the avenues, Kisseleff, I have to Cope with the Adversity of women (Why??) and men drivers.

Even if the sidewalk is the place where many cars are parked (!!), there are no fewer than four lanes, the riding of bikes on the sidewalk in that area is disputed and the angry drivers have no problem breaking the law, speeding, talking on the phone and chauffeuring, still, they are mad to see someone cycling alongside:

-          How could this be??!

-          Get the fuck out of here!

-          Use the sidewalk imbecile!

-          Fuck you, idiot!

 That is the jest of it.

True, there are some yellow signs, which have been worn off for the most part, are anyway mostly occupied by cars, have been considered illegal from the very beginning, but they gave the impression anyway to many drivers that this is where cyclists belong.

Someone was telling me about the Highway built in Holland for the men and women using the bicycle as means of transportation.

The bicycle is not something special anymore, in civilized, advanced countries of the world.

Not to mention China.

Nevertheless, in my land, it is still strange to witness an attitude that is so retrograde, backward and arrogant.

It is like:

-          You do not have enough money to get a car, like me!

-          Poor, inferior being!

-          I can throw you to the ground anytime!

-          Care for you and your goddamn two-wheeler…are you shiting me?!

Strange and regrettable is the attitude of many women drivers.

This is where it could sound sexist for some.

However, I think it is the opposite:

-women are so much more sensitive, their EQ is generally so much higher than men’s are, with their tendency to be much more violent.

- On the whole, I see women as superior in most of the ways that count in the modern world- this is my view.

-          Alas, this means I have Great Expectations

In addition, when a woman driver acts like a man- violent, careless, aggressive, abusive and outright dangerous- I am really pissed off.

And reminded of a fragment in Louis CK’s standup act:

-people are into wild girls…they show their tities, etc.

Nevertheless, when Women are wild…they kill men!

A woman driver from the …French Embassy, no less, threw me from my bike to the ground!!

Furthermore, instead of expressing some regret, compassion…

She went on aggressively:

-          “Mais, quoi?!...allez vous…putain…quell bordel…merde”

-          Which is something like – shit, wtf…

Moreover, it was maddening!

Her registration plate??

Well, at the time it was a temporary thing with many numbers.

However, she replaced that soon and I could see her at the French Lycee

It is:

-          126 CD 03!!

This means she is a big shot or the wife of a big shot there

                I used to work with the American, British and other embassies, so I know…

I went to say to her that this was very wrong, after a few days, in the parking lot of their damn institution…

She was a degree better, no violent verbal abuse this time.

Overall, she was not sorry

Moreover, I will get more into this kind of attitude in the next

French Superiority episode of

Dealing with French Adversity

Imagine the Best Possible Self

Imagine the Best Possible Self

                This involves introducing new rituals and keeping the good old ones

Exercising in the morning must be in there, for the near future…I was even thinking about a cruise, where I would still jog on the deck of the boast

Some changes could be introduced, to counter the barking of those stupid dogs that I now encounter, when I run with my own, smart hounds…

Hey, this is the best-case scenario! So no barking in there

I do not see yet how I could run with the macaws, except perhaps if we get a mansion with a huge garden and then we just use that space…and add some mates and much more entertainment for Puccini and Balzac

Talking of cruises, in this rosy future we would all take cruises, I mean Puccini, Balzac and all, which means we need a yacht really.

Writing is one of the present rituals that need to continue in the time to come, because it has benefits:

1.       If we write about positive events, express gratitude on a daily basis as one of the most appreciated exercises insists or if

2.       We write about problems, which has the advantage that it would bring explanations that are otherwise eluded and create a distance between us and the unfortunate incidents…

It is all for the best

Reading will continue in the time ahead

No matter if that is the best-case scenario or just the future as is.

For reading brings so many surprises and glorious, otherworldly elating experiences…take the latest chef d’oeuvre that I have discovered:

The Empire Trilogy by J.G. Farrell

I will still appreciate, maybe in a private, lavish, huge screen and private cinema hall, another art form:

-          The motion pictures

The Godfather: Part II has been on my little screen today and what a joy and glory it was.

note

I have changed many...most of the sessions

14

Session 14

How to Develop a Successful Mindset

·         First of all, you need to define successful

·         The approach I take here is expressed by the idea that:

·         Happiness= Ultimate Success

·         As expressed about 2,400 years ago by Aristotle

·         A more recent definition, formula is PERMA

·         Once you achieve Happiness you will have a

·         Successful Mindset, starting with Positive Emotions

·         Going through the next steps to arrive at Achievement

·         There are some Mantras, some Magical Recipes that we use

·         Magnificent and Otherworldly, magical because they work

·         You find your Calling, which offers the prerequisite for Optimal Experience

·         Observe the conditions for Flow and apply them at Work and Home

·         This will improve connections with family and friends and they are

·         Your Social Support, which is the Nec Plus Ultra of Happiness aka

·         Successful Mindset

·         It is not complicated

·         This is why some of the mantras, leitmotifs return in these lessons

·         Happy, positive people are more successful

·         No pain, More gain

·         Many worry that Success entails Pain and Suffering

·         No! you need to be in the Fourth, Happy quarter

·         The mentality in the education system and at home

·         Is most often wrong, implying that a

·         Successful mindset is one that presupposes

·         Delayed Gratification and Suffering

·         We embark on the Rat Race aka Hedonic Treadmill

·         At a very tender age

·         Get good grades because they will bring success at exams

·         A better school will get access at better university

·         Then a good job, with a fancy car, many material things…

·         Since we all experience Hedonic Adaptation

·         Insistence on materialism, consumerism is wrong

·         Bhutan has tested this at the scale of a whole country

·         In 1999 they introduce Television, the last country to do so

·         And the resulting increase in violence, craving for advertised goods

·         Translated into a drop in HDP, happiness levels

·         For a successful mind set we need to Enjoy both the climb

·         To the top and the arrival there

·         We need to have a balanced perspective on time

·         Without worrying about a future that may bring mostly positive events

·         Living in the present and applying the rule of Carpe Diem

·         With Eudaimonia aka Long Term Happiness in harmony with

·         Hedonia which refers to present or short term Wellbeing

·         identify and work with your  signature strengths

·         research has proved that we are better off this way

·         rather than trying permanently to rectify, correct less strong points

·         we must insist on our strengths

Pic of adversity, maybe the revolution

·         this is the page from Newsweek where I came in, during the Revolution

·         of 1989 that overthrew the dictator that had been ruling in my country

·         as a personal experience, I must say that life is not all Wine and Roses

·         To quote Horace, but it also means Facing Adversity and Trauma!!

·         Which is what people here and in other tyrannies have experienced!

·         By the way, J if there’s anything wrong, not worth a five stars rating here

·         It is not me…it was the system, the negativity…you see what I mean…

·         Having a Strategy to cope with trouble and hardship is important

·         Because I am a living proof and this whole enterprise that you can make it!

·         If people that have lived through hell can apply Happiness rules and share them

·         You can!

·         If you meet with affliction, misfortune, you could think of one way out

·         Which is forgive the one or the group responsible

·         I have read recently from a book by Tchich Nhat Hanh:

·         He gives the horrible example of an eleven year old raped by pirates

·         After that tragedy, she kills herself

·         But this Buddhist monk speaks about the way he tried to see things from the villain’s point of view:

·         An uneducated boy, living in a destitute family and neighborhood that has no idea about what he is doing…

·         Well, at least that was the process through which this figure of peace arrived at an acceptance…

·         Humor should be an important

·         And there will be a session or maybe a few- I am still working on the sequel of the existing lesson -on humor

·         The last example has both humor and an astonishingly important significance

·         The story of the Mexican Fisherman and what it teaches in terms of the

·         Ultimate currency, social support and Calling

Note on Jealous Husband Comes Back in Form of Parrot by Robert Olen Butler

on YouTube, this has a miracle message from...the author!!

15

Session 15

Become More Confident

·         to become more confident you need

·         Self Esteem and i also think humor…often of the self deprecating type

·         Also- Learn to Fail, or Fail to Learn

·         The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

·         Nathaniel Branden wrote some classic psychology book

·         One of them is The Psychology of Self- Esteem.

·         He was a friend, disciple and lover of Ayn Rand,

·         Aurthor of The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged

·         Ayn Rand was very keen on the individual and not the crushing crowd or society

·         Nathaniel Branden is also the writer of The Psychological Effects of Religion

·         We will get into this book in more detail

·         we need to have confidence, trust our own abilities-

·         this affects all aspects:

·         achievements, or lack thereof,

·         our relationships with spouses, children and others.

·         People with high self-esteem are rational, have creativity, benevolence.

·         Those with low self-esteem manifest rigidity, defensiveness, fear and

·         even hostility towards other people.

·         If we do not appreciate ourselves, whom do we appreciate? Nobody.

·         People with low self –esteem communicate poorly.

·         Signs of high self-esteem are:

·         eyes are alert,

·         posture is Relaxed,

·         body is erect,

·         walk purposeful,

·         the voice is clear, modulating.

-          think of role models and at times appreciate where the anti-hero is J

·         The key in appearance is:

·         Relaxation, when you have self-esteem you’re not hiding, not at war with who you are,

·         which is characteristic for people with low self-esteem.

·         When we have low self-esteem we are in fear of exposure, humiliation, failure

·         The six principles are:

1)            practice of living consciously

Every moment that we live unconsciously is a wasted moment. Are you paying attention to your perceptions of the world? 

2)            practice of self-acceptance- here a “funny’ exercise is recommended: watch and accept yourself naked in a mirror 

3)            practice of self-responsibility

4)            practice of self-assertiveness

5)            practice of living purposefully

6)            practice of personal integrity

 

-              “what determines the level of self-esteem is what the individual does”

-          the mantra: we are what we repeatedly do

-          Excellence is not an act but a habit!

-          Other ways to reach self esteem aka confidence

-          Plan ahead:

-          Use humor, even self deprecating humor

-          And a trainer

-          Do not seek entitlement, Nirvana might be better

-              If by Kipling

-              There are a few ways to look at it

-              Comedian insists we should get help

-              if all around show signs of agitation and we don’t ...

-              Something or everything could be wrong

-              The principle of conformity

„There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”

·         Mind you

·         Perfectionism vs satisfizing

·         Do not be a Maximizer but a Satisficer

·         Avoid the posture of this CEO

Use motivational lines:

-          Now is the winter of our discontent

-          To end with a joke

-          If you really want to be Absolutely confident

-          Then use the Kantian Principle of the

-          Categorical Imperative