The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky- LIFE CHANGING, ASTOUNDING, FABULOUS, MONUMENTAL!!

The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky

LIFE CHANGING, ASTOUNDING, FABULOUS, MONUMENTAL!!

 

One could describe this book in a sentence: It is Life- Changing!

And there is no exaggeration there.

Sure, there would be critics of this book who will try TO diminish it. There is one book I heard about, that tries to make the point that positive psychology is bogus. That book is nonsense in my view and not positivity.

There may be some ancient, common sense truths to be found in the book, and that sounds like a lessening of the work of professor Lyubomirsky and her colleagues, but only if you look superficially.

What fascinates me at this book and positive psychology in general is the tremendous amount of research, which proves beyond reasonable doubt that the statements made are true.

We knew from time immemorial that it is good to be grateful. Indeed, it sounds like an oxymoron. For the skeptics it is one thing to preach:

-          Do good, for it will come back and make you feel happier

And it is quite another thing to prove that statements are true with scanners, tomography, RMOI and millions of tests. This new science is at the point where there are many meta- analysis, multiple tests are analyzed to verify conclusions on research which involves millions of participants.

The American Army is working with the founder of Positive Psychology, Doctor Martin Seligman and he is quoting frequently professor Lyubomirsky. And so do all the classics of positive psychology.

For the past year, I have tried to read Positive Psychology every day. Some books are so monumental, including this one, that I have a hard time finishing them. I give myself small portions and indulge in the pleasure, which I do not want to end.

In fact, Authentic Happiness has been in my ears (as an audio book) for months now…reaching the final 15’, I turned around and I keep reading past chapters. It is not reviewed, even if I have quoted from it a thousand times and I can basically say that I have read it 20 times over.

Same thing with The How of Happiness.

Reading positive psychology has inspired me to try and spread it around through …Romania. In the first stages of Happy Bliss, I thought that the highest officials would get the idea, love and apply it.

I talked to a senator and on a different occasion to the leader of a smaller party (PMP)…

-          The former said : interesting, thank you, good bye- Gone In Sixty Seconds (like Nicolas Cage)

-          The latter was more evasive, I think he saw that we could bring 20 votes and considering how small they are, that was why he gave me some of his time…without any further results

The Grand Design gave place to more modest endeavors. I created a “Happiness group’ on facebook, which you can join. Among the purposes and Goals (part of the recipe for life satisfaction is to have meaningful goals) of our group are: sharing, reading the best positive psychology books and communicating to the members what we have got from them… https://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=hp#!/groups/1444899429059621/

We even try to apply what we read, with gratitude exercises, (small) acts of kindness, optimism, some spirituality…but hey, why don’t you click and see for yourself?!

 

1.       Happiness Activity No 1: Expressing  Gratitude –counting your blessings for what you have either to a close other or privately, maybe in a journal, conveying gratitude to one or more individuals you haven’t properly thanked

2.       Happiness Activity No 2: Cultivating Optimism - you can keep a journal where you write about the best possible scenario for you coming into being

3.       Happiness Activity No 3: Avoid Over thinking and Social Comparison- using strategies such as distraction to cut down on how often you dwell on your problems and compare yourself with others

4.       Happiness Activity No 4: Practicing Acts of Kindness- doing good things for others either friends or strangers, either directly or anonymously, either spontaneously or planned

5.       Happiness Activity No 5: Nurturing Social Relationships-picking a relationship in need of strengthening and investing time and energy in heeling, cultivating affirming and enjoying it

6.       Happiness Activity No 6: Developing Strategies for Coping-practicing ways to endure or surmount hardship or trauma

7.       Happiness Activity No 7: Learning to Forgive –keeping a journal or writing a letter in which you work on letting go of anger and resentment toward one or more individuals who’ve hurt or wronged you

8.       Happiness Activity No 8: Increasing FLOW Experiences-increasing the number of experiences at home and working which you LOSE YOURSELF, which are challenging, absorbing

9.       Happiness Activity No 9: Savoring Life’s Joys-paying close attention, taking delight in life’s momentary pleasures and wonders, through thinking, writing, drawing or sharing with another

10.   Happiness Activity No 10: Committing to Your Goals-picking one, two or three significant goals that are meaningful to you and devoting time and effort to pursue them

11.   Happiness Activity No 11: Practicing Religion and Spirituality- becoming more involved in your church, temple or mosque or reading and pondering spiritually themed books

12.   Happiness Activity No 12: Taking care of Your Body- engaging in physical activity, meditating and smiling and laughing

 

I would end in the manner of the book covers, cause if I were to write on the cover of a new edition I would put only words like; ASTOUNDING, MARVELOUS, LIFE-CHANGING, FABULOUS- you only need to read it and you will agree…if not, double money back guarantee…hey, if you did not like it and read it because I strongly recommend it…send a message and I will reimburse you.

This is a book YOU MUST READ!

For your family, friends and colleagues’ happiness.

Those who are happy are more successful, live longer and healthier lives and not only that:

But they make those around them benefit in the same way!

A New Religion

A New Religion

 

Perhaps it is time for a New Religion?

·         This one will be tolerant- indeed, it will accept all the other major ones

·         It is based on the fact that psychology has proved that religion helps you

·         Religious people live longer, healthier and happier lives

·         The obvious conclusion is to :

 

1.       Adopt a religion that you can believe in: Buddhism, Christianity, Muslim, etc

2.       Perfect a new concept which will suit those not happy with the existing ones

 

·         We should take all that is good and proven and create a solid Faith

·         Compassion and kindness towards others from Buddhism

·         Respect for self, from the same East- where one who does not believe in

·         Oneself is considered an atheist

 

Peace of mind

·         We should exclude the fatwa or the other calls for violence

·         Even if this one would not be a “peaceful” religion at all costs

·         The good of the many will be above the good of very few

 

Science

·         We must extract from science rules that we could apply

·         In a joking manner, we could say that we would “religiously”

·         Adopt the rules of The How Of Happiness for instance, by

·         Sonja Lyubomirsky

Humor

·         Would be included in the ten, twenty or 16 commandments we

·         Come up with

Copyright

·         Already there’s a question of the déjà vu

·         As stated from the start- the plan is to take whatever is good

·         In the existing religions, without a new Messiah, prophet

·         Or just accepting the existing ones

·         In whatever manner we can indulge:

·         I tend to think Jesus has been there and performed miracles

·         Who knows in what form and if He is the Son of God...

Kant

·         Has said that God is a Moral Necessity

·         And he made a very interesting point

·         Which could be perfectly (and morally) right

Miracles

·         I have come to believe that miracles exist

·         I look at the Pygmalion Effect and the Ellen Langer studies

·         On old men who grew…younger

·         And thousands upon thousands of experiments and research

 

Will it work?

·         It does in parts of Africa, where they have populations

·         Who believe in a mixture of two religions

·         Christianity and Muslim religion

 

More thinking, praying (?) and faith is necessary to come up with more and better answers

Do you have feedback? Let’s talk...

We may find the Way…

Insha’Allah!

 

Belief in oneself

·         One important element would be belief in oneself

·         An Indian swami said that in the West, an atheist is

·         One who does not believe in God

·         In the East, one who does not believe in Oneself

·         Is seen as an atheist

·         I can’t remember where I read it and who said it

·         But it would be among the precepts of a “new” religion

·         Which would mix the best, kinder elements of Eastern and Western

·         Faiths – perhaps forgetting about reincarnation and

·         Without any violent fatwas or

·         excommunications

 

 

In fact, this is what struck me at this third installment of Brideshead Revisited:

Religion and the way we change our perspective.

I am not sure about Lord Marchmain aka Laurence Olivier in the series, but I was awed by the completely different view that I have on religion. Lord Marchmain remains a bit of a mystery- he may or may not have changed his atheist beliefs, but in this third look at Brideshead I looked at myself with wonder…

For the first two meetings with Brideshead Revisited I have been somewhat repulsed by the absolute and ridiculous faith of Bridey and Cordelia. Even Julia’s hesitations were kind of disturbing.

Now that I have read scientific evidence, positive psychology research that proves religion to be good for your mindset, overall health, life expectation and more, I no longer regard faith as a stupid predilection.

In fact, I am thinking that a new religion is probably necessary for those who have found no solace with Islam, Christianity and the rest.

The other day I was reading about Isaac Newton, who had his doubts about the official Trinity doctrine and was more inclined, indeed it seems that he believed in One God, not a saintly threesome formation.

Since people like me have trouble with a Trinity, punishment for (often innocent) sins, not to mention the awful sharia which cuts off hands, kills cheaters with stones… perhaps a new set of “rules” would be in order, for a kindlier, more tolerant faith.

The number one rule of that faith would be:

Tolerance! You do not punish with another for “religious” crimes…let him be “infidel”, if he is an atheist for instance, science has proved that he is worse off for that particular reason…he is already punished…let her/him be.

There is more to say and if you are interested, I am making a few more points at

www.realini.blogspot.ro

 

Religion is scientifically proved to help people have happier life, better relationships and careers, higher life expectancies.

Because there are so many good sides to most of the mainstream religions I am thinking that it would make sense to create a new “recipe” for those of us who have a higher intolerance of the more obscure, or aggressive parts of the holy books.

For instance, there is a debate over the cruelest acts happening in the world, the deaths of millions of children, starving in poor countries of Africa and elsewhere:

-          God is omniscient and omnipotent

-          Then how can He let these horrors happen?

-          One answer is the quote:

-          The ways of God are unknown

In my “new” blasphemous religion:

-          The attitude would be way more relaxed-

-          You feel you need a God? Then worship Him/Her

-          You think She is omnipotent- maybe she is

-          But you can question him (also, we can alternate between Him and Her)

-          You do not get hit by a fatwa issued by a fanatic that says

-          “because you wrote the Satanic verses 9for instance) you must be killed”

Magic does happen- look at Brazil “playing ‘against Germany last night. 7- 1 is the stuff of miracles.

It was more like Terry Gillian’s Brazil, where Robert de Niro pops up of thin air, as a plumber from the future to fix an incredibly sophisticated system of pipes, cables in a house that has little that I remember with Brazil.

Last night, the super stars of the host country have taken and incredible drumming from Deutschland. Ubermensch against some guys who win multimillion salaries to play a game they did not seem to know any more.

After that game, it is hard to pretend that magic does not exist and miracles do not happen. It was a very down to earth squad that won, and they are hard working and efficient, earthy nothing to do with the supernatural.

Yet, for me it is proof that mindset and other factors produce magic.

And I am getting more and more religious …or is it religulous?

 

 

Another aspect that strikes me is the gratitude which comes out of the words spoken by the Sisters of the dead man and the aunt of the narrator.

The manner in which their religiosity affects their attitudes, hopes and love of life, their brother seems to offer clues for the question- why does religion give to the faithful longer, happier, more successful and healthier lives?

I am still a kind of a non-believer, but my readings of positive psychology and its research, tests, experiments and discoveries have turned my attitude towards faith upside down.

Like The Sisters, religious people find comfort and guidance in their Lord.

Some of the precepts are like a psychologist's prescriptions:

Look for and try to find

Gratitude, pride, awe, inspiration, amusement, joy, serenity, interest, hope and love in your life…

Moderation is advised and wonderful strategies for coping with adversity and trauma.

I am looking for the way to get religion into my life, even if that means a new religion mixing in elements from Buddhism, Islam and Christianity…Alhamdulillah

Positive Psychology and Eastern vs Western Perspectives from Snyder and Lopez

East Meets West – Value Systems

 

·         Cultural value systems have effects on determination of

·         Strengths vs. weaknesses

·         Most Western cultures have individualist perspectives

·         Whereas most Eastern cultures have collectivist viewpoints

·         In individualist cultures, the focus is on the single person

·         Who is held above the group- competition and personal

·          Achievement are emphasized in these cultures

·         In collectivist cultures, the group is valued above the individual

·         Cooperation is accentuated – Craig and Baucum, 2002

·         Western cultures value Personal Freedom and Autonomy

·         The person on her own feet has Strength

·         Eastern cultures such assertiveness on behalf of self

·         Would not be seen as an asset

·         Society here seeks to foster interdependence and

·         Sharing and duty to the group

·         Value in the East is placed on staying out of conflict and

·         “Going with the flow”

The Japanese story “Momotaro” (Peach Boy, Sakade, 1958)

·         Is an excellent example of the importance of traits of

·         Interdependence, ability to avoid conflict and duty to the group

In the Momotaro story, an old couple whishes for a child, but they are unable to conceive. One day at the river, a giant peach floats near the woman, opens up and a boy is inside. The boy Momotaro is taken home, raised and at 15 he decides that some ogres have done enough evil and goes on to fight them.  On the way, Momotaro convinces animals that usually fight each other to become friends. Momotaro and his animal friends defeat the ogres by working together.

Hence the strengths valued in Japanese and other Asian cultures:

1.       He sets out for the good of the group, risking individual harm

2.       On the way he stops others from squabbling, promoting harmony

3.       He works with them to achieve his goal- interdependence and collaboration

4.       He brings back a treasure to Share with the group – sharing

 

TIME in the East and the West

·         Orientation to time is different

·         In Western cultures we often look to the future

·         Strengths we value- hope, optimism- reflect future-orientated thinking

·         Eastern cultures there is greater focus and respect for the past

·         “to know the road ahead, ask those coming back „is a Chinese proverb

 

A Chinese fable, Old Horse Knows the Way:

 A group of soldiers travels far away in the mountains and trying to return home, they get lost. One of them has the solution

-           we can use the wisdom of an old horse

-          Release the old horses and follow them, and we’ll reach the right road

 

Eastern cultures value looking back and the wisdom of their elders

 

Thinking in the East and the West

-          The Chinese believe in constant change, but with things

-          Always moving back to some prior state

-          Pay attention to a wide range of events

-          Search for relationships between things

-          Think you can’t understand the part without the whole

 

-          Westerns live in a simpler, more deterministic world

-          They focus on salient objects or people instead of

-          Larger pictures, they think they can control events

-          Because they know the rules that govern behavior

 

-          The circular thinking style is exemplified by the

-          Taoist figure of Yin and the Yang

-          A figure which represents the circular, constant

-          Changing nature of the world as viewed by

-          Eastern thought –

-          The dark side represents the feminine and passive

-          And the light side- the masculine and active

-          Each part exists because of the other and neither could

-          Exist alone one state is not far from the other

-          After hard times, easier times are on the way

 

-          a Westerner pursuing happiness draws a straight line to his goal

 

-          to an Easterner, this goal of happiness may not make sense

-          if one achieves happiness, unhappiness was close on its heels

-          an Easterner has a goal of Balance- if there is unhappiness,

-          happiness will come out to balance things out