From Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman- the father of positive psychology

Martin Seligman is considered to be the father of Positive Psychology and his book, Authentic Happiness is the first important book in the field:

·         Authentic Happiness comes from identifying and cultivating

·         Your most fundamental strengths and using them every day

·         In work, love, play and parenting

Positive Psychology has three pillars

1.       The study of Positive Emotions

2.       The study of Positive Traits- strengths and virtues, abilities such as intelligence

3.       The study of Positive Institutions such as democracy, strong families

 

·         Positive emotions of trust and hope serve as best not when life is easy

·         But when life is difficult- in times of trouble understanding and building

·         Strengths and virtues like: valor, perspective, integrity, equity, loyalty

·         May become more urgent-strengths and virtues function as a buffer

·         Against misfortune- the key is to identify your Strengths and Virtues

Positive Psychology and Authentic Happiness take you on a road-

·         This road takes you through the countryside of pleasure, gratification

·         Up the high country of strengths and virtues and

·         Then to the peaks of lasting fulfillment, meaning and purpose

 

In the opening of his book, Martin Seligman speaks about the most interesting experiment in Happiness- that of the sisters of Notre Dame, in New York. 174 nuns wrote about their experience and their notes have been studied to see what effect, if any, positive thinking has on life expectancy.

 

The happy nuns lived longer than the less happy ones.

 

·         On the same note, people from Utah live longer than those in  

·         Neighboring Nevada- why? – is it the Mormon life? As opposed

·         To a more frenetic life style in Nevada?

·         Or it may be junk food and tobacco?

·         In the nuns study, they all lived routine lives

·         With the same diet, no smoking or drinking

·         But with variations in their life expectancy

 

There are two types of smile:

1.       The Authentic Duchenne smile

2.       The Pan American smile is un authentic

In studies

·         Psychologists looked through large numbers of photos

·         And separated the Duchenne from the non- Duchenne smilers

·         At the University of Berkley California have studied photos

·         In the 1960 yearbook of a certain college

·         All women except three were smiling and half were Duchenne smiles

·         The women were contacted at the ages of 27, 43 and 52

·         And they were asked about their marriages and life satisfaction

·         The researchers wondered if they can predict from the smile Alone

·         What the women’s lives would turn out to be like

Astonishingly:

·         Duchenne women are likelier to be married, to stay married

·         And to experience more personal well being over the next thirty years

·         They studied to see if these women were prettier and their good

·         Looks , rather than the genuineness of their smile predicted their life satisfaction

·         The researchers found that looks had nothing to do with life satisfaction

·         A genuinely smiling woman was more likely to be

·         Well- wed and

·         happy

 

In the next part of the book, Martin Seligman writes about Positive Emotions: joy, flow, glee…pleasure, contentment, serenity, hope and ecstasy…

From Flow by Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi

From Flow by Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi,

 

·         This is one of the classics of Psychology, not just positive psychology

·         It gives you insight into and some of the formulas of happiness

Aristotle:

·         More than anything else, men and women seek happiness

·         Happiness is sought for its own sake

·         Every other goal- beauty, money, power –is valued

·         Only because we expect that it will make us happy

Optimal Experience-

·         There are times when we feel in Control of our actions

·         Masters of our own fate- when that happens

·         We feel a sense of exhilaration and enjoyment

·         It is long cherished and becomes a

·         Landmark in memory for what life should be like

·         It is what the sailor holding a tight course feels when

·         Wind whips through her hair – a harmony that vibrates

·         It is what a painter feels when the colors on the canvas

·         Set a magnetic tension and a new thing takes shape

·         A father when his child responds to his smile for the first time

 

·         The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive

·         It is when one’s body or mind is stretched to its limits

·         In a Voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and

·         Worthwhile –it is something that We Make Happen

Flow

·         Flow is the way people describe their state of mind

·         When consciousness is harmoniously ordered and

·         They want to pursue whatever they are doing for Its Own Sake

·         Examines the process of achieving happiness through

·         Control over one’s life

·         The optimal state of inner experience is one in which

·         There is order in consciousness

·         This happens when attention is invested in realistic goals

·         When skills match the opportunities for action

·         The pursuit of a goal brings order because a person

·         Must concentrate on the task and

·         Forget everything else

·         These periods are what people find the most enjoyable times

 

Conditions of the Flow Experience

·         A person who has achieved control over psychic energy and

·         Has invested it in chosen goals will grow into a more complex being

·         By stretching skills,

·         And reaching toward higher challenges

·         Such a person becomes an extraordinary individual

·         Activities that produce Flow:

·         Sports, games, art and hobbies

·         To achieve control over what happens in the mind

·         One can draw upon an infinite range of opportunities

·         Use of sensory and physical skills-

·         From athletics to music to Yoga

·         Or the development of Symbolic skills:

·         Poetry, philosophy or mathematics

·         It is crucial to transform jobs into

·         Flow-producing activities

·         You need to think of ways to make

·         Relations with parents, spouses, children

·         And friends more enjoyable

A few ideas from Calm No Matter What by Paul Wilson

Calm No Matter What by Paul Wilson

 

Do you want to reach one, or all of the Four Sublime States?!

There you go then:

·         In case you are interested to read about equanimity, peace of mind

·         There’s a book for you, from the “Guru of Calm”…

·         A few quotes here and on our blog:

 

·         In Eastern teachings – equanimity is one of the

·         Four Sublime States, which are:

1. Kindness

2. Compassion

3. Sympathetic Joy

4. Equanimity

·         Equanimity means calmness and composure, particularly in challenging times

·         This is a state of stability and composure, undisturbed by emotions or pain

·         It is a quiet contentedness- no matter what is going on around you

·         All will be right

·         With equanimity present, everything feels Perfect

·         With a foundation of calm and equanimity

·         You are powerful

·         No matter what feelings you have

·         You are aware that they come and go

 

 

This book helps you find equanimity and more

 

·         You want to go further than emotions because

·              1. Emotions are transient

·              2. Emotions are unreliable

·              3. It is possible to experience emotions more objectively

The time and place to find equanimity:

 

·         There is an easy choice that you can make

·         According to it, your experience of the world is

·         Positive or negative, peaceful or restless

·         The choice is where you direct your attention

·         Most restlessness and all negative frames of mind

·         Relate to either the past or the future, not the present

·         Fear and anxiety are future-based : what may happen

·         Regret and disappointment are past-based : what has happened

·         They exist only in your thoughts

·         They have no concrete reality of their own

·         As long as you avoid thinking forward or backwards

·         You will avoid negative emotions and restlessness

·         When you focus you attention on the present

·         Negative frames of mind vanish

·         Peace of mind, equanimity -spring to life

From the book Happier, by Tal Ben-Shahar, who has been teaching at Harvard-The most popular course ever

From the book Happier, by Tal Ben-Shahar, who has been teaching at Harvard-

The most popular course ever

 

“To devote oneself to a pleasurable activity is restful”

·         Happiness boosters lead to surging levels of energy

Exercise – Boosting our happiness

·         Generate a list of happiness boosters that

·         You can then pursue every week –the list

·         Can include general boosters, part of a routine like

·         Spending time with family and friends

·         Pleasure reading and exploratory boosters

·         That can help you find whether to introduce

·         A significant change to your life

·         Volunteer at a school for a week

·         Enter the happiness boosters into your daily planner

·         Create Rituals around them

 

Chapter 11 – Third Meditation - Beyond the temporary high

 

·         “Happiness depends upon ourselves” – Aristotle

·         The depths of our happiness are like the roots of a tree

·         The Height of our happiness is like the leaves-

·         Beautiful, coveted and yet ephemeral

·         Can the depth of our happiness be changed?

·         Are we predestined to experience highs and lows

·         Around a fixed level of happiness Maxwell Maltz:

·         Writes about a thermostat that controls our

·         Happiness level – most people return to the same

·         Level of happiness- we are delighted when something

·         Excellent happens and suffer at a loss…but that lasts

·         For a short time- the depth of our happiness doesn’t

·         Change – we recover our sense of well being

 

The Study of the Minnesota Twins

 

·         Identical twins, raised apart were shown to have similar

·         Personal personality traits

·         Research suggests the existence of a base level of well being

·         Has some argue that our quota of happiness is determined

·         By our genes or by early experiences

·         It was even said that trying to be happier is as futile as

·         Trying to be taller- but they are wrong

·         Evidence shows that a person’s base level of happiness

·         Can change- a person can become happier

·         Sometimes an encounter with a friend or a book can

·         Change our lives for the better

·         There are genetic influences- some people are born

·         With a predisposition to be happy, but there is a range

·         To a set point- we all can become significantly happier

Sonja Lyubomirsky and others have demonstrated:

·         A person’s level of happiness is determined by three factors:

1.       A genetically determined point for happiness

2.       Happiness relevant circumstantial factors

3.       Happiness relevant activities and practices

·         We have no control over genetic predisposition

·         And over the circumstances in which we are

·         But we have control over the Activities that we pursue

·         Pursuing meaningful and pleasurable activities

·         Can raise significantly our levels of well being

 

The error of the average

·         Those who say the level of happiness is fixed

·         Make the error of the average

·         Derive conclusions from what most people do

·         The average reveals a trend not an universal truth

·         Often, those outside the norm point to what is possible

·         Some people enjoy higher levels of happiness

·         This indicates it is possible to Reset the thermostat

·         The question is not if it is possible but…

·         How to do it

·         Changing Focus from material to happiness will raise

·         Their level of well being

·         Those who seek present and future benefit will

·         Be happier in the long run